FEAR AND TREMBLI NG
Based on the novel by AMÉLIE NOTHOMB
I was born in Japan
and spent my first five years there.
Leaving Japan was a real uprooting for me, a real exile.
This first exile marked me so deeply, that on the threshold of my adult life,
I decided to come back and live in Japan,
hence to work there.
I felt I could accept anything
in order to reestablish myself in this country,
which for many years I thought I came from.
This is how I tried to become truly Japanese.
TOKYO -JANUARY 8, 1990
Mr. Haneda was the superior of Mr. Omochi
who was the superior of Mr. Saito
who was the superior of Miss Mori
who was my superior.
I wasn't anybody's superior.
So in the Yumimoto Corporation,
I'd be at everyone's beck and call.
But I was proud of myself.
Getting a one-year contract as an interpreter
in a large Japanese company hadn't been a piece of cake.
The very first morning, I jumped out the window...
Amélie-san?
Why didn't you advise the reception desk of your arrival?
I'm Saito, director of accounting.
Follow me.
I'll introduce you to Mr. Omochi, the vice-president.
Make sure you don't do anything rude.
Excuse us.
This is the office of Mr. Haneda, president of the Yumimoto Corporation.
It goes without saying that you should never try to meet him.
This is your work station.
In front of you, is the desk of your superior, Miss Mori.
She's currently in a meeting. She'll join you this afternoon.
Everyone!
This is our new employee, Amélie-san.
How do you do?
- Do you enjoy challenges? - Yes.
Very good. Here's your challenge.
Mr. Adam Johnson invited me to play golf with him next Sunday.
I want you to write a letter in English accepting his invitation.
Who is Mr. Adam Johnson?
The exercise seemed easy to me.
I wrote a polite letter.
"Mr. Saito would be delighted to join Mr. Johnson for golf next Sunday
and sends you his regards. ''
Start over.
Had I been too friendly or familiar with Adam Johnson?
I composed a cold and distant note.
"Mr. Saito acknowledges Mr. Johnson’s request
and wishes to inform him that he will join him for golf next Sunday. ''
Start over.
I wanted to ask what mistake I was making,
but my boss clearly did not tolerate questions.
Start over!
I had to find by myself
the right language to address this mysterious Adam Johnson with.
Start over.
Start over!
I spent the next hours composing missives to this golfer.
Little by little, the exercise took on a tone of:
" Fair duchess, your lovely eyes make me die of love for you.''
Miss Mori has returned. You'll work with her this afternoon.
Meanwhile, bring me a cup of coffee.
Miss Mori?
I'm Fubuki Mori. Call me Fubuki.
I was transfixed by the splendor of this face...
All beauty is moving,
but Japanese beauty is even more moving.
Lily-white complexion, soft eyes,
perfect nose,
lips so perfectly drawn,
the complex sweetness of her features,
and her manners, that stylized her
and made her a work of art that defied understanding.
With her remarkable height,
Fubuki was the perfect embodiment of Japanese beauty.
Her face called to mind "the carnation of ancient Japan, ''
a flower symbolizing the noble girls of former times.
Perched on her towering silhouette, it was destined to rule the world.
Yumimoto was one of the largest corporations in the universe.
Mr. Haneda was in charge of the Import-Export department,
whose catalog was truly titanic:
from Finnish Swiss cheese to sodium carbonate from Singapore,
by way of Canadian optic fibers, French tires, Togolesejute,
they didn't miss a thing.
At Yumimoto,
money went beyond human comprehension.
Beyond a certain accumulation of zeros,
these sums left the realm of numbers and entered the world of abstract art.
Good morning.
All these documents were prodigiously dull.
I wasn't using any of the qualities for which I'd been hired.
I had no idea what my role in the company would be.
But after all, what I wanted was to work in a Japanese company.
And there I was.
Most of all, I was delighted by my coworker.
To look busy,
I decided to learn by heart the lists of the company's employees,
along with their marital status,
including wives and children.
The days went by and Mr. Saito didn't ask me for anything anymore,
except to bring him cups of coffee.
Nothing is more normal when beginning in a Japanese company
than starting with the ochakumi:
"the honorable function of making tea. ''
I took this role all the more seriously because it was the only one I really had.
For Mr. Unaji,
a coffee with milk, two sugars, at 10:00 a.m.
For Mr. Mizuno, one cup of Coke per hour.
For Mr. Okada, at 5:00 p.m.,
English tea with a hint of milk.
- Excuse me. - Thanks.
For Fubuki, green tea at 9:00 a.m.,
-a black coffee at noon, - Thank you.
a second cup of green tea at 3:00 p.m.
and a last black coffee at 7:00 p.m.
The vice-president is having a meeting with our clients.
Bring coffee for 13 people.
Hurry!
Yet this humble task became the first instrument of my downfall.
Thank you all for coming.
From now on, we'll be having these meetings every month,
and I'd like to thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Thank you for holding this meeting at the Yumimoto Corporation.
Here's your coffee, sir.
I'd love to hold the meeting at my company next time.
- Moving on to the - - Excuse me.
Would you like cream and sugar?
I prepared the account reports from last year and before.
Here you go, sir.
Here's your coffee, sir.
What was that?
Pretty young, isn't she?
Saito!
What's wrong with her?
What's she trying to pull?
Who told her to speak Japanese?
- Make her stop! - I'm sorry, sir.
Amélie-san!
Come here for a second!
What have you done?
Our clients left feeling very displeased.
You served coffee behaving like you spoke perfect Japanese.
But, Mr. Saito,
I do speak Japanese.
No excuse!
How dare you defend yourself?
The vice-president is very upset with you for ruining the meeting.
They are the most important clients of this company.
How can they discuss confidential matters
when a foreigner who speaks Japanese is in the room?
Do not ever speak Japanese!
You don't know how to speak Japanese anymore. Is that clear?
But Yumimoto hired me because I speak Japanese.
I don't care!
This is a direct order from me, the director!
From now on, you do not understand Japanese!
That's impossible.
No one can obey an order like that.
There's always a way to obey.
That's what Western minds need to understand.
The Japanese mind may be capable
of forcing itself to forget a language it knows.
But not the Western mind.
Of course, I understand.
But this is a challenge, Amélie-san.
At least try to pretend.
You're being ordered to.
Is that clear?
Quitting would have been the most logical thing,
but I had gone to great trouble to get this contract.
I had studied Tokyo's business terminology,
passed innumerable tests.
And in Japan, to resign after hardly a month, is to lose face.
So how could I obey Mr. Saito's order?
If language is a forest,
how could I hide the Japanese trees behind the French trees?
Mori,
Fubuki's family name, means "forest. ''
What did he tell you?
He ordered me not to understand Japanese any longer.
You spoke Japanese while serving the coffee, didn't you?
I hate Mr. Saito.
He's a bastard and an idiot.
No. You're wrong.
You only say that because you're kind.
Only an idiot could give an order like that.
Calm down. The order didn't come from him.
He was just passing on an order from the vice-president.
He has no choice.
Then the vice-president is an idiot.
He's definitely somewhat different.
But, what can you do? He's the vice-president.
What if I spoke to Mr. Haneda about it?
The president. What kind of a man is he?
Mr. Haneda is a remarkable man.
He's very intelligent and courteous.
But it's out of the question for you to speak to him directly.
You can only address your immediate superior.
In other words, you can only come to me.
Thank you, Fubuki.
It's not my intention to trouble you for help,
but I thank you deeply.
Your kindness alone does me a lot of good.
How do you write " fubuki''?
Blowing, snow.
Fubuki means " snowstorm''!
What a beautiful name.
I was born during a snowstorm.
Of course, you were born on a day
when the beauty of the sky fell on the beauty of the earth.
" In the majestic city of Nara with its innumerable bells.''
How do you know it was in Nara?
I studied the list of company employees.
I too was born in the Kansai area.
In the village of Shukugawa, close to Mount Kabuto.
I'm so glad we're both from Kansai.
That's where the heart of old Japan still beats.
It's also where my heart beats,
I spent a delightful childhood there.
I lived in Kansai until I was five years old.
I, too, left my heart there.
Let's get back to work.
I had a great feeling of inner peace.
I was a coworker of Fubuki Mori,
"Snowstorm Forest. ''
I started serving without any phrases of politeness.
The employees wondered how the pleasant white geisha
had turned into a coarse Yankee.
But the ochakumi definitely didn't keep me busy enough.
Without asking anyone's opinion,
I decided to distribute the mail.
My cart made me look busy.
Your mail!
Memorizing the Yumimoto employee list hadn't been a waste of time.
Here's your mail, Mr. Shiranai.
Your little Yoshiro turns three today, doesn't he?
Happy Birthday!
This job also allowed me, several times a day,
to play what I called
"throwing myself into the view. ''
Amélie-san!
Come along!
You need permission from your superior to take on work.
What you just did was a serious mistake.
The company mailman, who comes to work in the afternoon,
is close to a nervous breakdown.
He thought he was going to be laid off.
I'm very sorry, sir.
Stealing someone's work is a very bad thing.
You're entirely right, sir.
May I apologize to the mailman?
Go back to work.
What work? I had nothing to do.
Mr. Saito?
Well, the employee calendars are rarely up to date.
May I fix them?
Yes, yes.
At last I had a real job.
I was the advancer-and-turner of calendars.
I liked my new job.
And it amused my audience.
Aren't you tired of doing this? It must be exhausting.
It's terrible! But I'm taking vitamins.
Thanks.
A peak was reached at the end of February.
I had to turn, or even rip out the page of the month.
Here I go!
Help!
Banzai!
You said I could update the calendars, so -
You may continue.
But don't make a spectacle of yourself anymore.
You're distracting the employees.
Photocopy that for me.
Your photocopies are slightly crooked.
Start over.
They're crooked again.
That's a lie!
" A lie''?
That's no way to talk to your superior.
Forgive me.
But I made sure the photocopying was perfect.
It isn't.
Look.
What's wrong with it?
There, you see?
The text isn't absolutely parallel to the side.
You think so?
If I say so, yes!
- Are you using the automatic feed? - Yes I am.
That's it. Don't use it. It's not accurate enough.
But that will take me hours to do.
So? I thought you had a lot of free time.
Now I understood. This was my punishment for the calendar affair.
I ended up reading what I had to photocopy with such care.
It was the rules for Mr. Saito's golf club.
Suddenly I had an appalling vision.
They were razing Japan's imposing forests
to punish someone as insignificant as myself.
Once again, I remembered that Fubuki's family name meant forest.
Good evening. I'm -
Mr. Tenshi.
You're in charge of dairy products.
Do you need -
Yes, I'm going to photocopy these myself.
It's very late. There's no one left from my department.
Go ahead.
Tell me, why don't you use the automatic feed?
It's Mr. Saito's orders.
I see.
You're Belgian, aren't you?
Yes.
Great. I have a very interesting project in your country.
Would you do some research for me?
Let me explain the project.
A Belgian cooperative has developed a new process
to remove the fat from butter.
I believe there are great prospects for low-fat butter.
So do I, I've always felt that.
Come and see me in my office tomorrow.
Yes.
Good morning.
Mr. Saito wants you to redo the photocopies.
He finds them off-center.
I bet he didn't even look at them.
I measured and copied them one by one.
It took me hours. All that for the rules of his golf club.
He's bullying you.
Don't worry. He's keeping me amused.
You're so nice, Fubuki.
I'm so glad you're here.
I need a complete report, as detailed as possible,
on this new low-fat butter.
Mr. Saitama is on a business trip,
so you can use his desk.
I will, sir.
Tenshi means "angel. ''
Mr. Tenshi's name suited him perfectly.
Not only did he give me carte blanche,
but he had also taken the initiative all alone.
In Japan, that's exceptional. He'd taken a big risk.
I immediately felt boundless devotion for Mr. Tenshi,
the devotion that every Japanese person must feel for his boss.
I would fight for him to the end, like a samurai.
Has the Ministry of Health done any recent statistical surveys
on eating habits in Japan?
Yes, we have.
You'll see if you take a look, but by consuming more butter,
obesity and cardiovascular illnesses are rapidly gaining ground.
Are you the sole owner of this patent?
We have the exclusive rights to it.
It's an entirely new technique.
It has considerable advantages over former methods.
I'll fax you all that immediately.
Thanks!
You've been very helpful.
Say hello to Belgium for me.
- I promise. See you soon, I hope. - See you soon.
I stayed up all night.
And I wrote the report of the century.
You're getting better, but it's still not perfect.
Start over.
Amélie-san, you wrote an excellent report in record time.
In the meeting, would you like me to indicate who the author is?
Definitely not. It would cause trouble for you too.
No, not at all.
But I could insinuate to Mr. Saito and Mr. Omochi
that you've been very helpful to me.
Would Mr. Saito be offended?
Not at all. Look at what he does to me.
He'd be delighted to get rid of me.
Then you won't be offended
if I attribute your report to myself?
Of course not.
I'd be honored.
We parted in a state of mutual high esteem.
I looked forward to the future with confidence.
I thought I knew what it meant to be chewed out.
But what I went through a few days later revealed how ignorant I was.
In an instant, I read the look on Mr. Tenshi's face,
"We're about to undergo a terrible ordeal,
but we'll experience it together. ''
You're both traitors! Evil snakes!
Deceitful people! Individualists!
Suddenly, I understood many aspects of Japanese history.
To make the screaming stop,
I'd have been capable of the worst:
invading Manchuria,
persecuting thousands of Chinese,
committing suicide in the name of the Emperor,
crashing my plane into an American battleship,
maybe even working for two Yumimoto companies.
And you, Mr. Tenshi,
all along, your only goal has been to sabotage this company.
Mr. Tenshi would never do that.
I asked him to let me do the work. It's my fault.
- How dare you defend yourself! - On the contrary.
It's all my fault.
You dare to defend this snake?
That's not necessary.
Your accusations about him are false.
Are you implying that my words are false?
Your bad manners are beyond belief!
But, Mr. Tenshi -
Please, don't hold it against her.
She doesn't know what she's saying.
She's a young foreigner with no experience.
I made an indefensible mistake. I am terribly ashamed.
Indeed, you don't have any excuse.
No, sir. I don't.
However, no matter how big my mistake was,
it's a fact that her report was excellent,
and she was very fast with her work.
That isn't the question! It was for Mr. Saitama to do this work.
- He was on a business trip. - You should have waited.
Other companies are also after this new low-fat butter.
If we waited for his return, we could be beaten to it.
Are you questioning Mr. Saitama's abilities?
Absolutely not.
But he doesn't speak French or know much about Belgium.
It would have been more difficult for him.
Be quiet!
This despicable pragmatism is a Western way of thinking!
Forgive me for being a Westerner.
But there are gains to be made from our errors.
I'm warning you! That was your first and last report.
Now get out! I don't want to see you anymore!
Mr. Tenshi! Do you realize how serious this is?
How could you ask that foreigner to do the job?
She doesn't even know any manners!
Forgive me for dragging you into this mess.
Please don't.
I'll never forget your kindness for giving me a chance.
It was brave of you, Mr. Tenshi.
But you shouldn't have told them I wrote the report.
I didn't tell them.
Remember our discussion?
I intended to discuss this discreetly with Mr. Haneda.
It was my only chance.
I knew this would happen if I told Mr. Omochi.
So it was Mr. Saito, then.
What a bastard! He's an idiot.
Don't be too critical of Mr. Saito.
He's better than you think.
Actually it wasn't him, either.
I saw the note that was placed on Mr. Omochi's desk.
I saw who wrote it.
- Mr. Saitama? - No.
Do I have to tell you?
You have to.
Miss Mori's signature was on that note.
Fubuki?
That's impossible!
I don't believe it!
Fubuki is incapable of doing that.
But why? Does she hate you?
Oh, no. She didn't do it to spite me.
This whole business harms you more than it does me.
You've lost your chance at promotion for a while.
But Fubuki is my friend.
Yes.
As long as your task was to update the calendars
and photocopy the golf club bylaws.
Then why? Why tell on me?
Miss Mori struggled for years to reach her position.
She probably found it unbearable that you'd get a promotion
after only 10 weeks.
I still can't believe it.
That would be so mean of her.
All I can tell you
is that she suffered a lot here.
So she wants to subject me to the same fate?
Amélie-san, do you know what it means
for a Japanese woman to be unmarried at 29?
Miss Mori put her whole life into her career for seven years.
By being impeccable, she passed the appropriate age for marriage.
Her reaction towards you comes from deep inside.
I have to speak to her.
Do you really mean that?
Otherwise, nothing will be solved.
When Mr. Omochi was heaping insults on us,
you talked back to him.
Do you think that solved anything?
If we don't speak up, nothing gets solved.
I'm even more certain of this:
if you do speak to her, you might make things worse.
Don't worry. I won't involve you in this.
I have to do this to keep myself sane.
Fubuki.
Can we talk?
I thought we were friends. I don't understand.
- What? - You deny that you told on me?
I have nothing to deny. I followed the rules.
Are the rules more important to you than friendship?
" Friendship''?
It's more like, "good relations between coworkers.''
Then do you think that our " relations'' will continue to be good?
If you apologize, I won't hold a grudge.
You're pretty funny, aren't you?
Unbelievable.
You did something terribly wrong,
and yet you act as if you'd been offended.
It's strange that you like informing on people.
I thought this was a country of honor.
You think you're in a position to give me lessons on morality?
Why do you think I'm talking to you?
Because you're indiscreet.
Not because I want to reconcile?
Fine, if you apologize to me.
You're intelligent.
Why do you pretend not to understand?
Don't be pretentious.
You're simple to figure out.
Then you should understand my indignation.
I understand it, and I disapprove of it.
I had good reasons to be offended by your attitude.
You sought after a promotion you had no right to.
My chance at a promotion won't cause you any trouble.
I've been in this position for a year.
I fought for years to get it.
Did you think you could get a similar rank in a few weeks?
So that's it.
You want me to suffer.
How childish.
Don't you realize that you're just aggravating your situation?
Aren't you the one who's being childish?
I'm your superior.
Your rudeness is unheard of in Japan.
I know that.
I don't have any right to do what I'm doing.
But I'm disappointed. I had such high esteem for you.
I'm not disappointed.
I had no esteem for you.
The very next morning, Miss Mori informed me of my new appointment.
You'll remain in the same department, but you'll be doing an accounting job.
Me, an accountant? Why not a sumo wrestler?
Accountant would be an overstatement. I don't think you're capable of that.
Here are all of the invoices up to last week.
Here are the ledgers of the 11 departments of the company.
The job is simple. It's perfect for you.
First, classify the invoices by date, and then, by department.
Let's take this one for instance: 11 million for Finnish cheese -
What a coincidence. It's the dairy products department.
In the sales book, copy the date, the name of the company
and the amount in each column.
When you're done with all that, then file them away here.
Isn't it computerized?
Yes, Mr. Unaji will do that at the end of the month.
He'll just recopy your work. It will save him time this way.
True, it wasn't hard.
Except for the first few days
when I often had trouble finding the right invoice book.
What's Reming Ltd.?
Non-ferrous metals. MM Department.
What's Gunzer GMBH?
Chemicals. CP department.
This work was totally boring.
So much the better. It allowed me to daydream
while I admired my informer's exquisite face.
The weeks went by.
I became quieter and quieter.
I reached "invoice serenity''-
a sort of Zen of accounting-
I no longer saw any drawbacks
in dedicating my life to this exquisite mindlessness.
To think that I'd been silly enough to get a college degree
when my brain could blossom in repetitive stupidity.
I realized that I'd been sworn in to a contemplative order.
Writing down a few numbers as I looked at beauty was bliss.
Fubuki was right.
I'd taken the wrong path with Mr. Tenshi.
I didn't have the mind of a conqueror,
it belonged to the species of cows that graze in a meadow of invoices
waiting for the train of mercy to pass by.
How nice it was to live without pride and without intelligence.
At the end of the month, Mr. Unaji computerized my work.
I was very proud to be an efficient link in the chain.
Huh? This is strange.
This doesn't look right.
Take a look at this.
Amélie-san!
What is this?
Well, it's an invoice from GMBH, dated -
" From GMBH''? You said, " from GMBH''?
Can you explain to me what GMBH is?
It's a German company.
Then why is " GMBH'' always preceded by one or several names?
The subsidiaries.
Idiot!
GMBH is the German equivalent of LTD in English or SA in French.
All the companies you put together have got nothing to do with each other.
It's as if all the companies we deal with in America, England and Australia
were called LTD!
How much time will we lose correcting your mistakes?
Those Germans are strange, aren't they? "GMBH''?
Sure. It's the Germans' fault that you're so stupid.
Don't be mad. I didn't know.
You didn't know?
Your country shares a common border with Germany!
Even people on the other side of the planet know this.
I almost said the most horrible things
about the relationship between Japan and Germany.
Thank God, I didn't set foot on such a slippery slope.
Don't just stand there.
Bring the invoices under chemicals for the last month.
It took us three days to put the 11 sales books back in order.
But by the morning of the third day-
Now what did she do?
Can't you copy a number with more than four zeros?
You added or removed at least one zero each time!
Oh, yes. So I did.
How many weeks will it take to correct all your mistakes?
- There are too many zeros. - Be quiet!
Aren't you ashamed?
I'm very sorry.
No, you're not! Do you think I'm a fool?
You did this on purpose to get back at me!
No, I didn't.
I know you did!
You have a grudge against me so you tried to make a fool of me in public.
I'm making a fool of myself, not you.
Who gave you this work? Me, your direct superior.
You know very well that I'm responsible for your actions.
As a Westerner, you value your pride above the interests of the company.
To get even, you didn't hesitate to sabotage Yumimoto's business.
- It wasn't intentional. - Come on!
I know you're not very smart, but nobody can be that stupid!
- I guess I am. - That's enough!
I know you're lying.
Fubuki, I give you my word of honor.
Honor? What do you know about honor?
Honor exists in the West too.
Really? Is it honorable to brag about being a complete idiot?
I don't think I'm that stupid.
We need to find out which you are.
A traitor or a half-wit?
There's no third possibility.
Yes, there is. A person who can't copy rows of numbers.
In Japan, people like that don't exist.
Who would dare challenge Japanese superiority?
If you have a mental disability, you should have told me.
I didn't know I had one.
I've never done work like this in my life.
Still, it's strange.
No intelligence is necessary to copy out a few sums.
But without any stimulation, my brain doesn't work.
Does your brain need stimulation? How eccentric!
- It's only natural. - Fine.
Then I'll think of a job that will " stimulate the brain.''
" A job that will stimulate the brain...''
- You'll check all the expense slips. - More accounting?
Don't worry. This job will " stimulate the brain.''
These are Mr. Shiranai's expenses for a business trip to Düsseldorf.
Redo all his calculations
and write down any difference you come up with.
Of course, you must use the rate for German marks from that day.
Don't forget that the rates change every day.
So began one of the worst nightmares of my life.
I lost all sense of time and entered the eternity of torment.
What's wrong?
It's a job that " stimulates the brain.''
You'll get used to it.
I didn't get used to it.
Never, with a big N, did I reach a result that,
far from being identical,
was even close to the ones I was supposed to verify.
It's very easy. Watch me.
I get the same amount as Mr. Saitama, to the nearest yen.
In three minutes and fifty seconds,
Fubuki did what I couldn't manage in twelve hours.
- How many files have you verified? - None.
Not even one? It's been a week.
Remember, the job must be done by the end of the month.
I was in hell.
Numbers, whose quiet, Pythagorean beauty I'd always admired,
became my enemies.
The mini-calculator was also out to get me.
My hand was sluggish,
as if it was sunken in sticky mashed potatoes.
Four of my fingers were completely useless.
Only my index finger managed to reach the keys,
but with a slowness and a clumsiness
inexplicable to anyone who couldn't see the invisible potatoes.
I looked at each new number with as much astonishment
as Robinson meeting a native of this unknown land.
Then my heavy hand tried to reproduce it on the keypad.
My head kept making round-trips between the paper and the screen,
to make sure not one comma or zero was lost along the way.
The strange thing was that all of this meticulous verification
didn't prevent me from making huge mistakes.
What is it?
The mashed potato syndrome!
My right hand is in the mush, nearly paralyzed.
I thought I'd endear myself to her with this story of mashed potatoes.
I read the result of my admission in her superb look.
"I understand now. She's mentally disabled. ''
In your country, well -
Are there many people like you?
You're the first Belgian I've met.
No Belgian is like me.
Glad to hear it.
What's so funny?
You're not supposed to be mean to the mentally disabled.
You're right.
But no one warned me that I'd have one working for me.
I still don't see what's amusing you.
It has to do with my mental condition.
May I spend the night here starting today?
Is your brain more efficient in the dark?
Maybe.
You have my permission. Just one night?
Oh, no, till the end of the month. I brought what I need.
The first night, I worked nonstop, and without result.
Good morning.
You sleep well last night?
Well?
During my second sleepless night, my mind teetered.
I'd become the Sisyphus of accounting.
Like the mythical hero, I never despaired.
Yet it was an extraordinary event.
I made a thousand mistakes, but each mistake was different.
For each calculation, I got one thousand different results.
I was brilliant.!
More and more, again and again,
Fubuki's beauty stunned me.
What are you looking at?
I was thinking how in Japanese,
" hair'' and " god'' are pronounced the same.
So is " paper,'' don't forget that. Get back to your papers.
Forgive me. It's the lack of sleep.
In your first name, there's " snow.''
In the Japanese version of mine, there's " rain.''
You're snow.
And I'm rain.
But they're both water if they melt in the palm of your hand.
Are you comparing yourself to me?
What did you want to be when you were little?
An archery champion.
That would suit you perfectly.
When I was little, I wanted to become God.
Later, I lowered my goal and settled for Christ.
When I realized it was impossible, I resolved to become a martyr.
But that didn't work either.
Then what?
Now, I'm an accountant at Yumimoto.
I can't sink any lower.
You think not?
Why? Why didn't she fire me?
Finally, it was the last night of the month,
my third sleepless night.
That night, an amazing thing happened.
My mind suddenly crossed over to the other side.
In an instant, I was free of any bonds.
My body had been hammered by so many numbers full of errors
that there was no room for the smallest decimal.
I was free.
I'd never been so free.
I was God.
Fubuki,
you give the orders,
but I'm the one who rules.
Ruling is glory.
I'm the Christ of computers!
Yours is so big, and so magnificent.
What's good about being crucified, is that you know it's the end.
I'm going to be able to turn my last day into a work of art.
Tomorrow morning,
I'll tell my executioners,
" I've failed. Kill me.
Let Fubuki cut off my head with a saber.''
She's covered herself with garbage so no one could wake her.
She's made herself untouchable. That's just like her.
She has no dignity.
She always has to put herself down.
She thinks that keeps her out of range.
She's mistaken.
No, I was cold last night.
The next time you decide to cover up with trash, don't do it here.
You do that under the bridges, in Japan.
Anywhere else, I'd have been dismissed immediately.
Not in Japan.
Sleeping under garbage? We've seen worse.
Japan is a country that knows what "freaking out'' means.
You must be Amélie-san!
I'm very glad to meet you at last, mademoiselle.
Incredible.!
The president of this place of torture, humiliation and contempt
was this magnificent human being, this superior soul?
What was this mystery?
Could it be that God reigns over Hell?
What are you doing?
You're not paid to hang around in the corridors.
That explained everything. At Yumimoto, God was the president
and the vice-president was the Devil.
I was going to do that myself.
Yes. You might at least have been capable of that.
You're right, Fubuki.
This work is beyond my capabilities.
Some people have no sense of direction.
And some have no sense of numbers.
I have an announcement to make.
I give up this task.
You took your time.
The deadline is tonight.
Give me the folder.
Finally, my superior had understood. I was a total disaster.
"Don't let her touch anything anymore.!''
I knew how to cope with the situation-
by throwing myself out the window,
serving tea and coffee,
contemplating the seasons on my superior's face
and not using my mini-calculator,
which perfectly fulfilled my unimaginable lack of ambition.
Until the day we heard the faraway thunder from the mountains.
Where is she?
Where's she hiding?
Where are you? Come out, idiot.!
Where are you?
Miss Mori!
I thought you knew better!
Suddenly, my ears were hermetically sealed to the Japanese language.
I never found out what crime the blameless Fubuki had committed.
You're a traitor!
I suddenly realized what was going on.
You're a disgrace to Yumimoto!
Mr. Omochi was raping Miss Mori.
In my head, I translated the true meaning of what he was shouting,
"Yes, I weigh three hundred pounds and you a hundred.
Together, we weigh a quarter ton and that excites me.
My fatness hampers my movements. I'd have a hard time making you come,
but thanks to my mass, I can push you over and crush you,
and I love that.
Especially in front of these dunces who are watching us.
I love it that your pride is wounded, that you have no right to defend yourself.
I love this kind of rape. ''
You made a fool out of me!
Please don't be mad.
What an attitude to take toward your superior!
Behave like a Yumimoto employee!
That's where, by being kind and silly,
I made my biggest blunder.
Can you hold on a second?
Fubuki, I'm so sorry.
I'm with you with all my heart. I'm on your side.
How dare you! How dare you!
Don't be upset. As your friend, I just wanted to -
Shut up and leave!
Damn, I'm too late.
Miss Mori has been thoroughly humiliated,
but she successfully preserved the last bastion of her honor
because she didn't cry in public.
No one saw her tears.
You have just committed the worst vengeance against her
as if you'd sought to completely humiliate her.
That's so untrue!
Be careful, Amélie-san.
And good luck!
I have a new appointment for you. Follow me.
Go ahead.
Go in.
This is your new job.
First, when the paper is used up, refill the dispenser.
Then, replenish the supply of toilet-paper.
Everything is stored in here.
It must remain locked at all times.
This is how you use this tool.
Any questions?
Who did this job before?
No one.
Did the cleaning women resign?
No. But they only work in the evening, and that isn't enough.
During the day, we often run out of toilet paper,
or the toilet bowls get dirty.
It's embarrassing,
especially when our clients use the bathroom.
From now on, thanks to you, we will no longer have that problem.
I almost forgot. You're in charge of the men's bathroom too.
Let me recapitulate.
As a child, I wanted to become God,
then Jesus,
then, conscious of my excessive ambition,
I accepted becoming a martyr when I grew up.
As an adult, I decided to be less of a megalomaniac
and to work as an interpreter in a Japanese company.
Sadly, I became an accountant.
But, now there was no stopping the lightning speed of my downfall.
I was given the job of doing "nothing at all. ''
But "nothing at all, '' was still too good for me.
That's when I got my final assignment:
toilet cleaner.
Still, from divinity to the restroom, what a voyage.!
Very soon, I felt a strange relief.
The benefit of scrubbing soiled toilet bowls,
is that you don't have to fear falling any lower.
Amélie-san! It's nice to have a job, isn't it?
This time, anyone in my place would have resigned.
Anyone but a Japanese person.
I'd signed a contract for one year,
I'd hold out until the end.
I'd behave like a Japanese person.
I wouldn't lose face.
The most incomprehensible attitudes in life
are often due to the persistence of an awestruck moment in youth.
As a child, the beauty of my Japanese universe had impressed me so much
that I still drew upon this emotional reservoir.
This incredible assignment made me enter into another dimension:
a universe of pure derision.
Fubuki had clearly counted on my resignation.
But by staying, I'd called her bluff.
My dishonor was thrown back into her lap.
If you have any complaints, then address them to me.
I haven't complained to anyone.
You know very well what I mean.
Not really, no.
When important people come in, should I hide myself?
Amélie-san.
Once again, the kind Mr. Tenshi found the noblest solution
to show his disapproval of my fate-
boycotting the restrooms of the 44th floor.
I bless Mr. Tenshi.
Besides, this boycott constituted a real vengeance with regard to the company.
By going down to the restrooms of the floor below,
the employees wasted company time.
In Japan, it's called sabotage,
one of the most serious crimes in Japan,
so heinous that they use the French word,
because you have to be a foreigner to dream up something so base.
But in contrast,
Fubuki started going more than ever to the restrooms.
She even began to brush her teeth twice a day.
She thought she was annoying me,
but I was delighted to be able to admire her tempestuous beauty.
In this closed, intimate space,
worthy of the classical theater,
two tragic actresses met for a furious and passionate brawl.
Little by little,
the aversion to the men's room on the 44th floor became too blatant.
This can't go on!
Once more, you've disrupted everything around you.
Now what have I done?
Haven't you noticed that the men stopped using this restroom?
They waste time going to the other floors.
It's because you're here.
It's not like I want to be here.
No excuse!
If you behaved with dignity, these things wouldn't happen.
I don't see what my dignity has to do with it.
If you look at the men the way you look at me,
their attitude is easy to explain.
Don't worry. I never look at them.
Then why don't they use the bathroom?
It's normal.
Why would you go when a man is present?
Why don't you draw the obvious conclusion from that?
What conclusion would you have me draw?
Not to be present!
Are you relieving me of my duties in the men's room?
Thank you.
I didn't say that.
Then, what is it?
As soon as a man enters, you leave.
And you wait till he has left to come back.
But when I'm in the ladies' room,
I can't know if there's someone in the men's room.
I have an idea!
What?
You just install a camera in the men's bathroom,
with a monitor in the ladies' room.
A camera in the men's toilet? Do you ever think before speaking?
As long as the gentlemen don't know about it.
Be quiet! You're a real fool!
That's right. You wouldn't have given this job to someone intelligent.
Are you talking back to me?
Why not? You can't assign me to a lower job.
Careful.
You don't know what could happen to you.
Tell me.
Beware.
And make sure you get out when someone comes in.
I obeyed the new order.
But, spearheaded by Mr. Tenshi, the boycott went on.
In truth, a place of rest had become the battleground
for an essentially ideological debate.
Those who still used it were saying,
"My submission to authority is absolute
and I don't mind that they're humiliating a few strangers.
Besides, they don't belong at Yumimoto. ''
Those who refused to use it were saying,
"Respecting my superiors doesn't prevent me
from being critical of some of their decisions.
I also think Yumimoto would benefit
from putting a few foreigners in positions of responsibility
where they might be useful. ''
Amélie-san!
Fubuki wasn't bluffing.
I was going to pay for my sins.
No paper!
I'd adored Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence with its perverse relationships.
At 16, it had seemed to me that David Bowie's death
was a beautiful way of showing one's love.
Did you see the movie Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence?
Yes.
Did you like it?
The music was good. A pity the plot was so bad.
I think you have to see it as a metaphor.
A metaphor for what?
Relationships with other people.
Like yours and mine for instance.
There's the same difference between us
as between Ryuichi Sakamoto and David Bowie in the movie.
The difference between East and West.
Behind their conflict is the desire to understand one another.
No.
Why?
You aren't like David Bowie.
In spite of my lack of resemblance to David Bowie,
there was a similarity between my situation and his.
For having sentenced me to such a filthy job,
Fubuki's feelings toward me couldn't have been entirely normal.
Since she had only focused her cruelty on me,
I decided it was a privilege.
I decided it meant she had chosen me.
For seven months,
I was assigned to the toilets of the Yumimoto Corporation.
What saved me, was my throwing myself out of the window.
To this day, parts of my body must be scattered all over the city.
December finally arrived.
To announce that I wasn't going to renew my contract,
I decided to respect tradition to the letter:
to never complain and start at the bottom of the hierarchical pyramid.
At the last moment, a demon whispered to me,
"Tell her you got a better offer as a toilet cleaner somewhere else. ''
"No, tell her you'll only stay if they put a plate in the john
where every user leaves a 50-yen tip.!''
Well? You had something to say to me?
We're reaching the end of my contract,
and I regret to inform you that I cannot renew it.
Oh? And why?
We were both playacting. So I went all the way.
The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many challenges to prove myself.
I'll be eternally grateful for that.
Sadly, I'm not capable enough to be worthy of the honor.
That's true. And why do you feel that way?
I was right. Her feelings towards me truly were perverse.
I had to attack.
Because I lack the intelligence.
She was enjoying this grotesque proof of submission.
I think so too.
And why do you think you lack intelligence?
The Western brain is inferior to the Japanese brain.
Maybe so, but just because the average Western brain is inferior,
you can't blame it solely on that.
Don't you think this incapacity is due to your particular brain?
Undoubtedly.
At first, I thought you wanted to sabotage Yumimoto.
Swear to me you weren't pretending to be stupid.
I swear it.
Are you aware of your handicap?
Yes. The Yumimoto Corporation helped me to see it.
So the company was a big help to you.
Her mouth was dry.
I was glad to finally provide her with a moment of intense pleasure.
I'll be grateful to Yumimoto for all eternity.
Dear "snowstorm, '' your clouds are so heavy with rage,
and I've waited so long to see some pleasure in your look.
Then, what do you plan to do?
I certainly couldn't tell her that I wanted to write.
I could teach French, maybe.
Teach? You? You think you could teach?
She was asking for more.
I also couldn't tell her that I had a teacher's diploma.
You're right.
I'm still not conscious enough of my limits.
Indeed. Frankly, what job could you do?
No go.
She wanted the height of ecstasy.
In ancient Japanese imperial protocol,
it was stipulated that the emperor be addressed with "fear and trembling. ''
That's what I did.
You think a garbage collector would accept me?
Yes.
I had given her an orgasm.
I could move up to Mr. Saito.
We're reaching the end of my contract,
and I regret to inform you that I cannot renew it.
The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many challenges to prove myself.
I'll be eternally grateful for that.
Sadly, I'm not capable enough to be worthy of the honor.
Amélie-san.
Well, I just don't know what to say.
I'm sorry.
I didn't want things to happen this way.
A Japanese man apologizing for real, that happens about once a century.
You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault.
Do you have any plans?
Don't worry about me. I'll find something.
Poor Mr. Saito. I was comforting him.
It was Mr. Omochi's turn.
I was terrified. I was wrong.
Amélie-san!
We're reaching the end of my contract,
and I regret to inform you that I cannot renew it.
Chocolate!
Chocolate from Mars?
" Chocolate from Mars''?
Chocolate from Mars!
The vice-president was going to die of a heart attack.
Of course it'll be blamed on me.
It's green melon-flavored white chocolate.
A specialty from Hokkaido. Delicious.
They have perfectly recreated the taste of a Yubari melon.
Try some.
No, thank you.
Please, eat some.
No, thank you.
- Eat. - No.
- Eat it! - No.
You're still under contract!
What's it to you, whether I eat it or not?
Insolence! Obey my orders!
Are you going to fire me? Great!
I had gone too far. The heart attack was imminent.
- Please excuse me. - Eat it!
Actually, it was far from bad-
It's delicious.
It's good, isn't it, the chocolate from Mars?
The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many challenges to prove myself.
I'll be eternally grateful for that.
Sadly, I'm not capable enough to be worthy of the honor.
By humiliating myself this way, I secretly hoped for polite protests,
of the kind, "Of course you were worthy of the honor.!''
I was naive.
In Japan, to blow your nose is the height of bad taste.
Had I fallen so low that one could shamelessly empty his nose in front of me?
Amélie-san.
Now only God was left.
Please have a seat.
It was with Mr. Haneda that I became, for an instant,
what I had vainly tried to be, truly Japanese.
What is it?
We're reaching the end of my contract,
and I regret to inform you
that I cannot renew it.
Of course. I understand.
The Yumimoto Corporation
gave me many challenges to prove myself.
I'll be eternally grateful for that.
Sadly, I'm not capable enough to be worthy of the honor.
It's not true.
You showed excellent abilities working for Mr. Tenshi.
You were unlucky.
You didn't come here at the right moment.
I understand why you're leaving.
But if you change your mind one day,
you will be welcome here.
I'm certainly not the only one who will miss you.
- Thank you for all of your work. - Thanks.
Take care, and good luck.
On the evening of January 7,
I didn't bother to say good-bye to Miss Mori Fubuki.
It was stupid.
Choosing pride over the contemplation of such an exceptional face
was poor judgment.
That window was the borderline between the toilet bowl and the heavens.
As long as windows exist,
any human being will have his share of freedom.
One last time, I threw myself into the void,
and for the first time, I watched my body fall.
Now I could go back home, to Belgium.
On January 14th, 1991, I began to write my first novel.
On January 17th, war was declared against Iraq.
On January 18th, at the other end of the planet,
Fubuki Mori turned 30 and still had no husband.
In 1992, my first novel was published.
In 1993, I received a letter from Tokyo.
That note gave me great pleasure.
But it included a detail that thoroughly delighted me.
Fubuki had written it in Japanese.
"A mélie-san. Congratulations.
Fubuki Mori. ''